The Nullifier

So here’s the thing:

I’m terrified to death

That one day,

utterly unbeknownst to me,

you just get up

take the car keys

open the door

step outside

close the door

and disappear

I run to the window and barely catch a glimpse of the rear lights

vanishing about the corner

and in time I find someone new,

a real beefcake,

and I feel attracted to him

and want to be his woman

and he wants me

and we get together

and are happy

so that at the right moment,

when I realize this could be the one,

I press my cheek on his massive pectoral

and remember you

and all the work dissolves into Saharan wind

The Meaning of

I wonder if I got this right -

the meaning of life

and everything and all

is either to transmit messages from Tralfamadore

or to try one’s best

the very, very best, not one bit less

in the name of progress

I guess I’ll never wrap my head around

the right answer

whichever it is.

Most people spend their lives in pointless matters

and see meaning in it,

like they ought

while I stumble and crumble and fight and grind

fearing nothing,

but the dot

The Moment

All this planning and all this preparing and all this thinking

will only lead to a point where

they matter no more,

for only action counts.

I can analyze everything over and over again,

‘till the moment has passed,

or reject thought altogether,

waving my arms in the hustle,

foolishly peering everywhere,

while stumbling in every direction

at once.

How can I know if I’ve reasoned enough

yet not excessively?

How can I know the moment of action?

for it seems like an iterative process,

and I merely have one shot

Freedom

It seems, now

that I am not fit to make my own mind

that the right belongs to someone else

- a stranger,

an utter nobody,

who holds no office in my life

Like a despot he sets the pace of my days

Controlling that which

is not his to control,

Facing decisions that

are not his to face

all awhile appealing to my vitrue,

my duty,

my workload in grace

But the choice is mine and mine alone.

If I cannot choose to work in vain

If I cannot choose to try and fail

If I forfeit my freedom to those in claim

I am the only one to blame